


Sorry

by Lokismindtricks



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Death, Feelings, Heavy Angst, POV Loki (Marvel), Pain, Spoilers, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-04-29 12:59:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14473275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lokismindtricks/pseuds/Lokismindtricks
Summary: Loki comes face to face with his worst nightmare in Avengers Infinity War.





	Sorry

**Author's Note:**

> THIS FIC CONTAINS HEAVY SPOILERS FOR AVENGERS INFINITY WAR. DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THIS MOVIE.  
> I was broken by the events of this movie and it is only natural to me to make things worse. So here you have it.  
> I'm sorry if it's really chaotic, that's exactly how I feel after all of it anyway. 
> 
> Musical inspiration:  
> Sorry - Halsey  
> Ragnar's Death Song

Loki’s hand was shaking, desperately trying to push his dagger up the Titan’s throat. He watched as the purple lights from the power stone swirled down the sharp point of his blade and down his wrist.. A smile creeped upon Thanos’ lips as he saw the desperation and fear in the young god’s eyes. The way Loki’s body squirmed against his grip pleased him greatly, but there was nothing the god of mischief could do against the fate before him. All he was able to do was regret everything. Absolutely everything. But there was no way to take it all back.

What a fool he had been. He knew that one day the consequences of his actions would catch up on him, but he sure had not seen this turn of events in his future anytime soon. But when did destiny ever arrive as expected? 

As Loki was lifted from the ground, his toes searching for the dust and metal beneath him, he struggled against the titan’s grip. Even though the mad man spoke, Loki’s thoughts were clouded. Where had it gone wrong? What had he missed? But most importantly, why had he not been able to save anyone? 

It was something he had always hoped he would able to do and in fact, he had done so just hours earlier, saving his people from Hela’s clutches alongside his brother and allies. And now their lifeless bodies surrounded him as if the universe was mocking his attempt. Laughing in his face, in the shape of his worst nightmare. The man who had held him captive for years. Tortured him with the mind stone on countless occasions. Burned and beat him until nothing was left of him except a willing subject, obsessed with gaining the power over humanity. Little did he know back then, the amount of death and destruction Thanos would bring.

In the span of several minutes upon the destruction caused by Thanos and his children Loki had tried to come up with just about any solution to their problems. Teleporting them away somehow, pretending not to care for his brother in the hopes of Thanos giving up his quest to hurt the god of thunder, and finally siding with the Titan to just get close enough to mortally wound him. But none of those outcomes had given him any type of result except his unavoidable death.

The insecurity of it all was driving Loki mad. He wasn’t able to see Brunnhilde anywhere, nor the rock skinned fool he had brought from Sakaar. He was wondering if there could be a chance of them escaping this chaos in time, but there was no way for him to find out. There was no sign of life apart from himself and his securely bound brother. And from his position there was very little he could see apart from the purple face that had haunted his nightmares for years. 

To his right side Heimdall’s body laid facing the ceiling above them, staring into Valhalla, the golden hue gone from his eyes, his lips slowly turning pale. If only the gatekeeper had sent his brother away along with the green monster, Loki would not have been as worried of his own fate. He would go through any amount of torture all over again if he had to, if that meant knowing Thor would survive this massacre. But now he would surely pay for betraying Thanos all those years ago, and with no guarantee his brother would survive the ordeal either. Knowing that shattered his heart into a thousand pieces. 

From the corner of his eye he could see his brother, desperately struggling against his binds, screaming against the cold metal bended around his face as his adoptive brother was facing his imminent end. Loki couldn’t help but feel like an absolute disappointment. This was not how he had imagined their future to look like. This was not the kind of pain he had wanted to cast upon his brother once again, and possibly now for good. His heart ached more than his throat, despite the life being squeezed out of him. All he wanted to tell his brother was that he was sorry. So very sorry. For all the hatred he had cast upon him, the times he had hurt him. 

Tears ran down Loki’s face. There was simply so much he regretted. So many things he had still wanted to tell his brother. Things he had wanted to make up for. The hundreds of deaths on Midgard, the minds he had invaded, the betrayals through the years and the way he had treated just about everyone around him to the point where absolutely no one wanted to be around him… And yet his brother did, and for that he wanted to thank him. 

He wanted to take back all the foul things he had called Thor through the years. The times he had stabbed him in the gut, even though at the time it seemed funny. It had only helped their separation. He had driven his own brother away. Loki had caused his own loneliness as well as his brother’s heartbreak. Through everything he had wanted him to care, blind to the fact that he did. When Thor’s ego inflated, Loki had been angry. How dare he be busier with himself? But perhaps it was his own fault. He had always declined their invitations to have a drink. Stupid Fandral and his ladies, Hogun’s jokes and Volstagg’s amount of food... Sif’s soft smile. All things he had kept at an appropriate distance, instead of embracing it. How much happier could he have been at this point if he hadn’t been so self destructive?

Not to even mention the hatred he had held again the Allfather most of his life. The angry cold man he had wanted to impress his entire life, and yet, he had never felt good enough. The shock he had felt as his father finally acknowledged him in his final moments. The overwhelming feeling was a mix of guilt and heartbreak over the fact that he could never speak to his adoptive father ever again to talk things out.

And his mother… his kind mother. The never ending support and love he had received from her his entire life shaped him more than he could imagine. And he never got to say goodbye to her. All he hoped for was to join her in Valhalla, though he doubted that was his destination. Not even his regret now could possibly grant him such luxury. He did not deserve to enter the golden gates in glory. 

All he had ever wanted was to be loved, appreciated. But he was blind to the fact that he already was. If he hadn’t been so consumed by his own mind he would have seen that so many around him were always there to support him. 

It wasn’t until this moment that Loki realized just how much his brother had always cared about him. How lucky he had been with his place in the world. What incredible things he had done in the short life he had lived. His guilt slowly turned into an understanding, but he would not give up fighting the titan until his very last breath.

As the titan squeezed harder he could feel his heart struggle. There was just him and his heavily drumming heart pounding in his chest. Loki struggled and squirmed, trying to speak, to leave his brother with a last few words. He had just made a promise of a future of them, together. But at this moment Loki wasn’t so sure he would be able to make that promise come true. 

Thanos holds Loki still and gives him even the slightest of space to speak, but there was no place for comfort or escape. The god of mischief takes but a moment to come to senses and his eyes focus on Thanos’ gaze. “... You will never be… a god,” he speaks in near whispers. But before Loki can speak to his brother, he feels the fist of the mad man tighten. Horrible sounds erupt from Loki’s throat as he can no longer breathe. 

With a quick but deep felt snap, Thanos’ fingers break the Asgardian’s neck as if it’s nothing. Loki can feel the bone crack, the sound of his own death loud in his eardrums. The grin on Thanos his face is the last thing he sees before things turn dark. 

His arms fall down next to his body and the light in his eyes turn dull. Thor screams through his restraints, but Loki cannot hear it. Death had finally caught up with him. Thanos drops Loki to the floor and sets fire to the ship’s remains. “No resurrections this time.” With that the titan and his children leave through the means of the space stone and Thor is allowed to move to his dead brother. 

Upon Thor’s touch, things turn bright to Loki’s eyes. He winces at the brightness, which was a stark contrast to the soothing darkness he had been surrounded by moments prior. In this brightness golden gates start to form. Loki is unsure of what is happening. Perhaps this was all a nightmare after all. It wouldn’t be the first, but this ending was very different than what he was used to. 

Slowly the realisation starts to dawn in as his mother walks up through the golden gates, his people appearing from the other side, all facing him. The Allfather is right behind her and she opens her arms. The queen is wearing a beautiful white dress and all of them look happy. They smile upon him, horns of mead in their hands, raising them to his arrival. 

“Welcome home my son.”


End file.
